'Stop punishing our parents for favoring me:' Woman labeled selfish after refusing to pay even a penny of parent's retirement after they waste it all on her brother's extravagant wedding

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 12, 2025 5:00 PM EST

Hello, gossip goddesses. Retirement funds take decades to build up into something substantial. Prudent money-savers start planning and saving for their retirement when they are quite young, tucking extra money away little by little over a long period of time. This money is meant to sustain you when you quit working, and dipping into these savings should be an absolute last resort born of desperation; they certainly should not be used to finance the frivolous details of your son's lavish wedding — as was the case in our story today!

When an elderly couple drains their retirement savings to give their golden child the wedding of his dreams, they do so with the expectation that their other child will recompense them monetarily. They may never admit why they believe they are entitled to her money when she had nothing to do with the wedding that they wasted their pension on, but around here, we love to speculate. Get all the details of this family drama by scrolling down. 

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my parents I won't pay for their retirement after they paid for my brother's wedding?

    "My brother thinks I'm being cruel and says I'm "punishing" our parents for favoring him. I feel bad for saying no, but I also don't think it's fair for me to bear the burden of their bad financial decisions."
    via towfiqu barbhuiya

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (29M) have always been responsible with money, while my brother (32M) has not. A few years ago, he got married, and my parents spent nearly all their savings paying for his extravagant wedding. Now they're nearing retirement and have asked me to help support them financially because they don't have enough saved.
    via u/Formal-Trip8541
  • 03
    I told them I wasn't willing to help because they chose to prioritize my brother's wedding over their future. They argued that I "don't understand" because I'm single and don't have major expenses like a family. I told them their choices aren't my responsibility, and they called me selfish.
    via u/Formal-Trip8541
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10453835264
    via D-Keine

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    My brother thinks I'm being cruel and says I'm "punishing" our parents for favoring him. I feel bad for saying no, but I also don't think it's fair for me to bear the burden of their bad financial decisions. AITA?
    via u/Formal-Trip8541
  • 06
    bino0526 NTA. Their poor financial decisions are not your problem or responsibility. Why aren't they asking your brother to pay? He's the reason why they don't have their retirement. They funded your brothers wedding thinking you would take care of them. WRONG!!!! Don't be guilted or bu ied into picking up the slack in their retirement.
    via u/bino0526
  • 07
    Fluffy_Smiles I agree with you- OP it's not selfish to prioritize your own future over fixing their mistakes. Supporting them is a personal decision, but it's okay to set boundaries if their past actions left you feeling overlooked.
    via u/Fluffy_Smiles
  • 08
    Zealousideal_Fail946 OP. Think about their plan. What if you find a partner and decide to get married. What will their excuse be now? "Oh. You don't understand. The parental help on weddings coupon expired?"
    via u/Zealousideal_Fail946
  • 09
    Beth21286 Come on, they never even thought of paying for OPs wedding if they had one. It would be 'you're the independent one' or 'we just don't have the funds'.
    via u/Beth21286
  • 10
    OP should tell them they've been irresponsible and will need to work longer to secure their future or ask son to support them in repayment since he saved money not paying for his wedding. No discussion of OP subsidising them. 'I'm building my future, I don't have anything to spare.' should be the default response.
    via u/Beth21286
  • 11
    LenaCelinee And it's REALLY UNFAIR to shoulder the financial burden of your parents' decisions, especially when those decisions prioritized your brother's wedding over their own financial security.
    via u/LenaCelinee
  • 12
    Feisty Attorney_2923 NTA. Your brother should be stepping up, not you.
    via u/Feisty_Attorney_2923
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10453835520
    via StudioPeace

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    maywellflower Especially since that was his wedding that they both paid with their retirement funds, not OP's. He's one that needs both pay them back AND fund their retirement, not her/OP.
    via u/maywellflower
  • 15
    Sassy-Peanut If your brother was selfish enough to let your parents use their pension savings to pay for his wedding [who does that?] He should step up and help them now, not rely on the responsible child to bail them out of a situation they put themselves into.
    via u/Sassy-Peanut
  • 16
    BonusMomSays Not their personal savings - ALL of their --- savings and retirement!! This was completely foolish for the parents to do. Guess they will be moving in with brother and his wife.
    via u/BonusMomSays
  • 17
    Oh, wait, bro & new wife arent good with $$ so likely do not have a home they own. Hopefully, parents do and they can downsize to raise cash and reduce their monthly carrying costs. ΝΤΑ
    via u/BonusMomSays
  • 18
    Fantastic-Pace NTA. Your parents made the decision to spend their savings on your brother's wedding, and now they're facing the consequences of that choice. It's unfair for them to expect you to take on their financial burden, especially when they prioritized one child over planning for their future. Helping would be generous, but it's not your obligation. Setting boundaries doesn't make you selfish; it makes you responsible for your own well-being.
    via u/Fantastic-Pace
  • 19
    Good_Ad6336 NTA. Lol your family says you are punishing them for favoring your brother. Yeah, because how does rewarding them for favoring your brother make ANY sense?
    via u/Good_Ad6336
  • 20
    NTA NixKlappt-Reddit Your brother can help them. Tell your parents that you need your savings for your own wedding someday.
    via u/NixKlappt-Reddit
  • 21
    JaxBQuik I was thinking about what if you asked how much they'd contribute to your wedding when you get married? If they say they aren't, tell them they made their choice, this is now your choice to not help them. Maybe they should ask the son they gave money to. Just cause you are responsible doesn't mean you have to be for others.
    via u/JaxBQuik
  • 22
    NixKlappt-Reddit Yeah, OP can tell them "I appreciate that you want to pay for your kids' weddings. I assume you have some bank account with savings for my wedding. No worries, you are free to use it for your pension."
    via u/NixKlappt-Reddit
  • 23
    Ok Veterinarian6404 NTA. Your brother needs to payback the money.
    via u/Ok_Veterinarian6404
  • 24
    MoonFlowerDaisy They can live with your brother and his wife, and help look after potential grandkids. Win win for your brother lol.
    via u/MoonFlowerDaisy
  • 25
    juzme99 They also now do not have the funds to contribute to OP's wedding either, maybe say you are saving for your own future wedding /home/retirement. Because no one in the family can help you at all with these.
    via u/juzme99

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family drama wedding drama brother sibling rivalry Female Empowerment siblings reddit story relationships parenting wedding couples love sister reddit thread retirement Reddit
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